Lately I’ve been struggling with this funny concept of time (just as a side note, currently I am taking antimalarials, antiwormies, antibiotics, antiamebas, much ibuprofen and all those other mysterious pills my mother slipped into my pack–if you are looking for some kind of excuse for the nature of this blog).
As we all know novas stands for a new way, it is a pilate project and over Christmas we were informed there will not be another for an array of reasons. There is no mention of it anywhere at adventures.org as though it never even existed. Right around when this was decided most of you also know our Uganda team was going through a slight identity crisis with finding out that news and being in the midst of a potential transition to team Kenya? At the time the novas project dissolved our leadership took on a new face and we learned what it meant to “suck it up and be a missionary” as we were instructed within the first 24 hours of arriving in the country. Not really knowing where we stood outside of the immediate 30 seconds that could be processed at that time, all in all we just pretty much didn’t exist. A wonderful lesson we’ve learned is that even though everything in our current reality is in clear existence there are in fact other people that still exist. That this is not my movie, and in fact I am not in every scene with slow motion shots and an epic soundtrack. But what do we do if we don’t exist at all? And if the existence of the Novas was in question from the start, do I still have to choose into a project that is not really there? Sometimes we joke and wonder if we packed up and moved to New Zealand or Ireland or even just Tanzania or South Africa if anyone would really know. After I returned to Uganda and found my team more fragile than ever I discovered that some had some interesting ways of dealing and new ways of operating such as only choosing into their own selective realities-where they are the ONLY people who exist. In which anything may or may not exist according to the choice of the moment. Then again technically at that time it really didn’t matter because more than any other time, that was when we were most outside of existing, regardless of where we were or where we were told we were or where we wanted to be anyway. Then debrief came around and the debate arose– do Kelly and Jimmy enter into our nonexistence when they visit or do we enter into theirs in some small way? No one really understands. However debrief is light-years behind us who knows where we stand now. Though truthfully that was only about five weeks ago. I shake my head. This is just not making any sense. The Spock in me says it is perfect logic, but my body say no way…four months since we arrived in Africa? What does that even mean? I wonder if it is possible to age under pressure. When you gain so much experience experientially, physically, emotionally and spiritually in such a compressed amount of time am I now actually more like 27? In my selective reality I am thinking this is most feasible and probably probable. So about that issue of time…..right now where I sit it is 1:03 in the afternoon but where you are it’s more like 4:03 in the morning, then again maybe not. Upcoming debrief ..main stage seminar topic- “How to Exist Again-re-entrance”. If you need clarity on any of the above issues discussed feel free to call me, somehow phone lines are not restricted by time so you can reach me in the future.
I feel that once I return home I will wake up and realize Africa is just a dream. Then I’ve been dreaming this whole time and therefore time doesn’t matter at all. o bother.
–jenessa lynn
Dear Janessa, ironic it is, that I “missed” this blog. Does that prove that this experience (also) does not exist? Though some may “wonder” about your musings, my wonder is that you young people have had the tenacity to endure and to have done so with a grace and trust in God that is beyond your years or previous experience. Thank you for the “reality check” of this project. “What you see depends on where you are standing” (C.S.Lewis) In His love,
Interesting insight Jenessa. You guys have had a rough go of it. And to answer your rhetorical question: yes I think we DO age under pressure. I’m expecting many of your friends and family to be surprised at the men and women you return as – men and women who have shaken the foundations of the kingdom and have returned TRULY knowing who you are.