"Thursday
September 24- Day 1

Woke
up to a brand new skyline...

Wind
blows the leaves in the palm trees and all the wet seems to amplify
the beautiful green of Mexico. Breathing deep is easy here and I
might as well forsake my shoes and wear a hooded cloak- with three
days of solitude I am suddenly given the opportunity to spend
appropriate time on things I should; like reading my Bible and
brushing my teeth (cause sometimes, I cheat)..."

It
rained all three days and I was free to be outside every moment of
it, to sleep when I wanted and rise when God asked me to. Silence,
focus and listening were the emphasis; for me it was a long time
coming and I realize now that God had been waiting for me for a
while. First morning here I open to Joshua and began at the
beginning (this was before we entered solitude). Chapter 3 verse 5
reads, "consecrate yourselves for tomorrow God will do wonders
among you." Realizing at the moment I didn't have a solid
understanding of that word, and also not realizing at that moment how
much I would come to an understanding of that word in the following
weeks, I looked it up.

-solemnly
dedicate to or set apart for a high purpose...

I've
prayed for my perspective of God to broaden before but perhaps I
wasn't ready, however since I've come here my heart is willing and
that's enough to move mountains of thought apparently. I don't think
I was prepared for my life to be so invaded, and the thing about
God's change is that it doesn't seep in and settle like a fog around
rivers and already existing trees; it's a wind that plows through
leveling all hindering thoughts and behaviors. What I am trying to
say is that if I really want to change then I have to let everything
be swept away yelling Grace, Grace To It (Zech 4:6-7). The kind of
change God wants in our lives cannot leave room for comfort, we
cannot ease into it. We can't control it and God wants it all. He
desires us to dedicate ourselves or give ourselves entirely to a
higher purpose of bringing Him glory.

Desperately
desiring to meet with God I went running the first drizzly day. God
showed up as usual, He exploded through the clouds and whispered to
me in the grasses. I could feel His applause in the breeze as I
danced under the stars that night feeling overwhelmed with a desire
to respond to the Creation here or at least join in on it's praises.
Though I literally stopped at one point thinking, "I don't know how
to worship, actually I don't even know how to pray," or that is how
I felt. Tears became hard to fight back and I felt ashamed. Here I
am as a child running around being emotional, loving the feeling of
God but not Knowing much about Him. I want to worship with my mind
And my body. I felt like a little girl. I want more than to just be
in God's presence, what about learning, listening, studying and
growing up? It has become a bit of a joke among the Novas project
but there has a been a consistent occurrence of explosions. Before
you start thinking that we are blowing things up mom, what I mean is
that when God shows up fireworks start going off in our brains and we
get this blank bewildered blah face. It is really quite comical
because He reveals Himself and there is just no denying how small we
are and how big God just became...... and there certainly isn't any
going back. It is comical because learning about a different system
is hard to describe in the system we function in so all you get is a bunch of blubbering and faces
looking puzzled not really knowing what to say exactly. The next
morning I decided that some discipline was in order-regardless of the
amazing thunderstorm that day I was confined to the dining hall (to a
specific chair actually) until I learned something new. I journeyed
through the battlegrounds of Jericho and into the night with Job and
Jacob. I was moved by visions from Habbakuk (I never read Habakkuk)
and fell silent by the words of Elihu.........

*
At first I set out writing this blog to account for the thoughts I
have never entertained before, the courtyards I've never entered
until now, the colors I have never seen until now. But how? This is
my journey and I can't force your heart to view God as a zealous King
who marches through the earth in fury threshing the nations in anger,
going out for the salvation of His people, for the salvation of His
anointed as I have come to (Hab 3). I know that we do not fear God
enough. We do not revere Him enough. We speak out of turn and over
our heads about things we have no right. I studied about a King for
two days and I will never be the same. The thing is you don't have
to be on the "mission field" to be humbled and discover your
faith is immature and comfortable. Through writing to you I have
discovered I don't have to desperately describe this step in my
faith- partly because it is impossible in the confines of these pages
and mostly because I don't want you to be "moved" by vague
descriptions of revelations. I'd rather you sit down and read and
listen-God will show up, trust me. Please don't think that because
you may have gone through this "stage" long ago that God won't
ignite passion and new questions with answers that bring Him glory.
Here are some of the passages I have been walking with (if you are
going to read some then please read them all :) I also found a lot of
encouragement from a few exclamations by S. M. Lockridge called My
King which can be found on itunes or youtube (highly recommended)
and also by the lyrics of a familiar song I grew up with:

Take
my life and let it be consecrated Lord to Thee.

Take
my moments and my days, let them flow with ceaseless praise.

Take
my voice and let me sing, always only for my King

Take
my lips and let them be, filled with messages from Thee

Take
my silver and my gold, not a mite would I withhold

Take
my intellect and use, every power as You choose

Here
I am- all of me

Here
I am-all of me

Take
my will and make it Thine, it shall be no longer mine

Take
my heart it is Thine own, it shall be Thy royal throne

Take
my love my Lord I pour, at your feet its treasure stored

Take
myself and I will be, ever only all for Thee

Job
31, 32-37, 40 specifically... 32:6-17; 37:1-24; 38-40 sp...38:3, 40:7-8;
40:9-14

Genesis
38:7, 10; 32: 22-32 sp...29-30

Isaiah
33:14; 40:1-10, 42:1-9

Habakkuk
3

Revelation
4