goodbye love, i just came to say goodbye

Wednesday January 20

Last ladies study at the church.–scheduled at one meeting per week on wednesdays at 3– which eventually translates to getting started by 5. it’s ok though cause some of them are elderly and some have very far to walk.

   I am happy to have arrived back in Busia in time to say good bye to these wonderful women. Just before I went home a few of the girls and I started up a Bible class for the ladies at the church, and now I am blessed to be here to see how they have been doing and encourage them to be strong and courageous in continuing their meetings. In attendance were Mama Tom, Esther, Jennifer, Anna, and Mama Esther and we shared together favorite psalms and discussed God’s faithfulness -psalm 34, 139 and 121. God blesses all the time and we rejoice forever they say. Unfortunately we had to break the news of our leaving and their hearts were very heavy. Mama Tom was persistent saying we are wounded and crying inside. We are so sad, God help us, help us…..we are wounded. Praise God that you go where He calls you. We cannot be together in flesh but we are together in spirit. As we walked all the ladies home that night we laughed the whole way about who Mama Esther has been a stinker all along. Apparently her English is quite good but got a kick out of our over enunciations of HELLO HOW ARE YOU TODAY ESTHER- in hopes she understands. She’d just stare at me for a full minute then would suddenly have something to say about her knee pain or she wave her Bible in full exclamation that I couldn’t understand about who knows what…she was very fluent in a newly discovered African language known as grunting. It is very hard to follow-trust me 🙂 Though the news was discouraging there always seems to be something to laugh about- they are blessed with a curious joy that makes things all the better and the rough stuff seems a little bit easier to carry. And I’ve come to understand I have near no understanding of the burdens they endure as women, as mothers, as wives, as widows. We laughed all the way home about how big our butts were- mine particularly and how I must need a strong bed to sleep on cause I am just SO heavy..:) I will miss them dearly.

It is strange because having left this wonderful place once already it feels as though I have come back just to do it all over again. I am learning that we must say what needs to be said and not wait until there is no more time. We leave for Kenya tomorrow and I find myself standing still in the middle of the market almost getting left behind, wanting to just breathe it in; the smells, the people, the colors, the sounds, the experience. I want to walk down the paths for the last time and say hello to the people we pass everyday- look them in the eye and somehow remember their faces. How am I to start saying goodbye to such a place? There are too many faces, I don’t have enough hands to hold their little faces and tell them once more how beautiful they are, how loved. The home I returned to is changing (I have peace it is for the better) but it is painful. It is painful when I visit Mama Esther for the final time at her home, we sit in her hut and she turns to me “please, don’t forget me.” I put my arm around the frail little woman she is and quietly say “No I will never forget you, I will always pray for you…someday we will meet again. You do not need me here to take care of you, God is with you and he will care for you.” We sit together in dark and dusty hut and with her arm wrapped in mine, she falls asleep on my shoulder. I hold her hand, and kiss her head, and while she rests I pray for hope.

Saying goodbye all over again I must admit is no easier the second time. It is hard not to be overwhelmed with discouragement and sorrow for even just one widow who sleeps on the ground and takes care of 11 orphans. But my gaze rests on Jesus and right now He calls us to dwell upon hope and light. I could easily dwell on how little I can do within myself to “help” the people here, or be bitter over the rancid taste in my mouth left by encounters with pure injustice and evil but Matt 6:22 advises that we fill our bodies with light not thoughts of darkness. “If your eye is healthy your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great the darkness!” Last night Philippians 4:4-9 was prophesied over me-it reads “rejoice in the Lord always again I say rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and supplication and with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellent, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Wat you have learned and received and heard and seen in me-practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

psalm 34